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Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Who Needs Validation?

“No one can make you feel inferior without your permission.” ~Eleanor Roosevelt

Over and over again I hear it from fellow competitors and girls that I train, “…I just can’t concentrate… my head isn’t in the game… I have too much going on…” and too often than not it has to do with a guy. Whether it be someone they just started dating, a long term boyfriend, and sometimes even husbands, there are many guys out there that aren’t supportive and view Fitness/Figure as a distraction and as ‘something’ that takes away from their time or plan. Trust me, I understand that this is sometimes a selfish sport, as countless hours are spent in the gym, preparing food, and the prohibiting of being able to eat out or attend certain functions. There are definitely compromises that need to be made from both sides, however, I am also the first person to say “Deal with it… this is me, and what makes me happy…. Take it or leave it.”

I have seen girls give up when they are so close, or just not put 100% into a goal that they have set for themselves all due to outside forces either being unsupportive or better yet, being made to feel that what they were doing was ‘stupid’, ‘silly’, not worth the effort, or something of the like.

In past years, I have had more clients than I care to remember drop out of shows due to “man issues’. (Realize, that this is not the same as ‘family issues’ and other circumstances that take priority over goals, etc.) Now, if I tell you that I have never had ‘issues’ or times when I thought that I just couldn’t mentally handle it, it would be a lie. But I some how was able to dig deep and realize that I was doing this (Whatever your goal may be) for a reason… ummmm, cause it’s what I want to be doing. So why stop? Why not complete the journey that I have set out for myself? Because someone else doesn’t agree with it? I don’t think so!! I’ve pleaded with girls to say “EFF” them… it’s about me, and if he can’t handle it, then too bad. Move on… go forward. But for whatever reason there are girls who let these men make them feel like what they were doing (whether it be competing or anything else) that they were less than adequate. Or for some reason or another were waiting on validation from other people that they are worthy enough of their companionship and will do anything to please them, even give up on their aspirations or act in a way they normally wouldn’t just for that validation. Almost to the point of becoming diluted versions of themselves! Let me say this… GET OFF THE path to get corroboration from the people around you and return to your own journey. Do not become a passenger of someone else’s and instead be happy being who you are. Girls….Be you… trust me… in the end, you’ll be much happier, and when these guys are gone, you’ll still know who you are! Do not allow yourself to be subjected to these people that are clearly not supportive. By not supporting you or putting your efforts or goals down they are calling themselves out. Realize it, and move on, you are better than that.

So to all you AWESOME women out there who have been or are in a relationship like this… I say this... Embrace yourself and every step of your journey that you take, fitness and otherwise. Love yourself and respect yourself enough to know that you deserve nothing but the very best. Make all your own choices, because in the end YOU have to live with you. Please, just commit yourself to being the magnificent women that you are.

“But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous.” ~ Carrie, Sex in the City